$GG’s May
22, 2016 Bishop(?)’s ’Corner was another one of Dannie’s trademark
weekly doses of sanctimonious pap n’ crap, coupled with (of course) another one
of his favorite themes: playing the
beggar. This time, it was a plea for “plenty
of fresh fruits and vegetables” -- ostensibly
for Tony. (Dannie has been using Tony’s
recent illness as a sympathy ploy to get more financial aid from the Gerties.) We say “ostensibly” because, as usual,
Dannie has decided to include himself (and the other cult-center “clergy”)
in the doling out of the goodies: “Fr. Cekada will be
needing plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables in order to regain his health. (I’m
sure they wouldn’t hurt the rest of us
either!)” [our bold emphasis]
And, as if
that wasn’t enough, he actually directed
his food donors to “please use the Cucina Clerical
website so you can pace our food
deliveries.” [our bold
emphasis again] How
characteristically presumptuous of
you, Dannie, to not only get in line with your hand held out -- automatically assuming that you and
those others are entitled to the dole -- but to stipulate that they “pace our food
deliveries” to optimize the distributing of your freebies. But, what the heck! Why stop there? Why not direct them to La Petite France’s website, and suggest some of your favorite entrée’s
(and wines)?
Then, once
you get them to “cough up” for that, how about requesting some “rehab time” for
Tony at the Bishop’s Lodge;
and, of course (as you did on the “fruits and vegetables”), include yourself
in that request, since it was always your
favorite “getaway” destination. (But
don’t include Lurch and the others in that getaway; that would stretch your budget
too thin. Besides, Lurch wouldn’t
know how to act in a classy place like that!)
So, go for it, Dannie! After all, if you can
sucker them into donating over and over again for an ever-leaking roof, or
get them to pay for your “excessive heating bills” (while you’re “lenting” down
in Mexico, pigging out on “copious quantities of beef”) – or buying an unneeded
“new” organ for Tony (that breaks down almost immediately after it’s bought),
then getting them to spring for this ought to be “a piece of cake”! You know, Dannie, if you play this
thing right, you’ll be able to get all
kinds of concessions from your Gerties. Plus, you’ll also be able to find out just how far you can “push
their button” – to see how much they can take before they “snap” – an important
defining limit!
But
actually, Dannie, don’t you think that many of your Gerties have already
reached that limit? Don’t you
think that they’ve been squeezed enough? WE
DO. We think that they’re tired of sacrificing and “offering it up,”
just so that you can go on your winter “apostolates” to sunny Mexico (especially
when you decide “at the last minute” to go).1 We think, too, that they’re tired of
paying for roofs that continue to leak, for AC units that prematurely fail, for
unneeded organs (that also break down) – and especially for a “school” that provides a woefully inadequate “education” for a mere handful of students – at a woefully exorbitant premium paid to the “principal”
and his family. 2
We think that
they’re also tired of your pretentious sanctimony
and your double-standard hypocrisy: tired
of obeying your puritanical “dress code” rules, while you “look the other way” as
the principal’s sons “do porn” (or fornicate) – both with complete impunity; tired of your sanctimonious pap about “the
sanctity of human life” while you and Tony pamper your pet cats, yet disinterestedly watch Terri Schiavo being starved and dehydrated to death); tired
of you talking about “protecting our innocent children,” while you allow a
sadistic school principal to brutalize SGG’s school kids; tired of your selective enforcement of your “rules” (such
as, denying a parishioner’s mother the last rites and a
Requiem Mass because she was “Novus
Ordo,” yet holding SGG’s biggest funeral ever for another parishioner’s “Novus Ordo” wife – the only difference
being that the latter parishioner was a big
donor at SGG, and the former wasn’t).
In fact, they’re getting tired of it all.
Dannie, we
don’t think you’re fooling anybody anymore with your syrupy sanctimony and your
pretentious, over-the-top “shows.”
People are starting to see them for what they are: cosmetics -- and that, behind the cosmetics, there’s really nothing there – except a “medicine show”
barker in bishop’s garb, selling snake oil. Dannie, it is also embarrassingly
obvious that you are using Tony’s illness as a pretext for shaking down your
Gerties even more: you know that there was NO REASON for including yourself and
the others in this latest “fruits and vegetables” scam – but you did it anyway.
That’s because you can’t help
yourself: you’ve been getting your
own way for so long, you expect it as a birthright. And as long as you can find suckers to fall for your predatory panhandling, you’ll
keep on doing it.
But Dannie’s
“sucker list” is growing short. As
Pistrina so aptly pointed out (in its
article, Enough is Enough), people
are starting to find out, for instance, that Dannie’s Mexican “apostolate” is not only bearing
no fruit, but is, in fact, a huge FLOP
– and that it’s only succeeding in emptying
parishioners’ wallets. (Click here for article).4 In fact, the Gerties are finding
out that just about everything that
Dannie and Tony do is a flop: Tony’s YouTube videos have been cut to
pieces, SGG’s “Ordo 2016” has been a total (and embarrassing) failure, and their
other abortive attempts at passing themselves off as “Latinists” have made them
the laughing stock of Traddieland. Outside the cult corral, nobody takes these
buffoons seriously anymore.
Eventually,
everyone – perhaps even the “hard core” -- will catch on to Dannie’s act; and he
and Tony (and Donny, for that matter) will have to fold up their tent and move their
medicine show elsewhere.
Actually – since their reputation as frauds has spread to the world-at-large -- we think that there
really isn’t any place they can go unnoticed. We think, therefore, that they should do what Big Don once
sarcastically suggested, i.e., become WalMart
greeters. (Well, on second
thought, only Dannie would be a “fit” for that job. With his mousy grin and his
syrupy demeanor, he’d be a “natural.”)
Tony, on the other hand – since he lacks Dannie’s “social skills” (and
perceives himself to be a “scholar”) – would do better as WalMart’s “intelligentsia
guru,” and open up a line of designer
dunce caps.5 So again, we
say, “Go for it, Dannie! Go for
it, Tony!”
_________________________________
1 We did a little checking to find out what a trip to Mexico City (from Cincinnati
or Dayton) would really cost, if booked “at the last minute” -- say, two to
four days before the flight. The
price for one “coach” ticket is anywhere from $1350 to $2000, depending on whether
the flight is non-stop, its takeoff time, etc. – and that doesn’t include baggage
fees. It also doesn’t include any
other air or land travel within
Mexico, or hotels, meals, taxis, etc. – or how much “entertaining” is done at
the other end. Add all this up,
and one of Dannie’s spur-of-the-moment “quick trips” might run DOUBLE the
airfare figures given above – or more.
2 The “principal” and his family get the lion’s share of the remuneration
paid to the school’s “faculty.” (The
other teachers -- if there are any left -- get little to nothing for what they do.) And what do the Gerties get for their
money? Not much. Academically speaking, the “school” is
a joke. About the only thing that it has going for it is draconian discipline from a sadistic schoolmaster
– fondly reminiscent of the character Mr.
Creakle (in Dickens’ David Copperfield)
or Wackford Squeers (in Dickens’ Nicholas Nickelby) – both of whom are
often held up as arch-typical examples of sadistic schoolmasters).
3 The instances of mistreatment of the school’s students by the
principal and his family are many --
and well documented. (Click here to see a fairly representative
sampling.) They were, In fact, the
primary reason why half the congregation
exited SGG back in 2009. But even
more despicable than the acts themselves was Dannie’s condoning of them – and how he ignored
the pleas of parents who brought their grievances to him. He disdainfully told them that they
could go elsewhere if they didn’t
like it. He even fired one of his teachers who had complained to him when he was physically
and verbally threatened by one of the principal’s sons. (But the boy, of course, received no
disciplinary action whatsoever.) That
teacher, by the way, was a foreign national, and was eventually reported to Homeland Security by Anthony Cekada – the very man who was supposed
to be taking care of his “immigration”
papers. (Click here for a complete account of what
happened.)
Why did
Dannie not only allow this to happen, but condone and defend it as well? What sort of “leverage,” we ask, does the principal
have on Dannie and Tony that they couldn’t summarily
dismiss him for what he did?
Well, all that we can say is that the principal has reportedly boasted on several occasions that “they cannot
fire me; I know too much.” So we the answer, "draw
your own conclusions."
4 Other than a couple of panhandling padres that Dannie has managed to
corral by buying them off with gringo
dinero, Dannie is persona non grata
in Mexico. He has had to reach
farther south – to Ecuador – to find new “fertile ground” (and we wonder how
long it will be before that too runs afoul). Whatever the case, Ecuador is certainly a more expensive
proposition than Mexico.
5 Actually, WalMart could open up new product lines in both Dannie’s
and Tony’s names. Taking a cue
from Mattel’s Barbie Doll®, they could
feature a Dannie Doll® -- a bobble-head
version of Wee Dan that hillbillies could hang from the rearview mirrors of
their pickup trucks. And, like Barbie, there could be different
versions of Dannie: Doubtful Dan®
(complete with a “one-hand” ordination kit), Beggar Dan® (with one hand stretched out in eternal supplication),
and Dannie the Martyr® (a talking Dannie that, when its string is
pulled, whines about the persecution that SGG is suffering at the hands of the
local energy utility’s “high heating bills,” the local governmental authority’s
“discriminatory building codes,” or some other “injustice” at the hands of some
imagined “oppressor”).
Tony’s
product line (the dunce caps) could be expanded, too, to include not just the caps
themselves, but dolls (of Tony)
wearing them – and perhaps even marketed internationally
(as Señor Simplón in Latin countries, as Tony der
Trottel in German-speaking countries,
etc. etc., etc.). And,
oh yes, one last product idea, reflecting Dannie’s morbid preoccupation with
his feral cat, Caravaggio: a Baby Bunny Shredder.® This would be something on the order of
an ordinary paper shredder, except that it would, in this case, shred baby bunnies. And to play on the “cat” theme, its “infeed” wouldn’t have a
set of conventional rollers, but a faithfully executed rendition of Caravaggio’s
head, with a macerating mechanical “mouth”
to ensnare and dismember the little critters.
With such
a device, other unbalanced individuals could “share” in Dannie’s sociopathic fantasies,
and duplicate his singular depravity, without the bother of actually having to
buy (and care for) a real live cat.
And perhaps, too, a “Lotarski” version of this contraption might also be
offered – one with a built-in camcorder,
to catch the action for further viewing (with, of course, forward, reverse, and
“slow-mo” features to “maximize” the experience.) So, at the risk of repeating ourselves, we once again say, "Go for it, Dannie!"