How Long Indeed?

A recent Pistrina article recounted Daniel Dolan’s latest plan to raid a traddie chapel in order to get their parishioners (preferably rich ones) to defect.  The bait that he throws out to them is that their clergy haven’t the “required training” and are therefore “not valid.”  Wow!  Dannie insinuating that?   Was there ever a more blatant case of “the pot calling the kettle black”?!  All this would be pretty funny if it weren’t for the sad fact that many a cultie in Tradistan falls for such falderal -- and gets burnt in the bargain.  How could Derogatory Dan and Phony Tony get away with peddling such crap?  The answer is fairly simple: humanity has a pretty low common denominator.  When it comes to “religion,” people are gullible.  How else could one explain a group of almost a thousand in Guyana committing mass suicide at Jim Jones’ bidding -- or Oral Roberts’ followers falling for his threat to have God “call him home” if he didn’t get $8 million in donations from them.

All it takes is a good misinformation campaign – and people who are gullible enough to believe it.  The parishioners at SGG are, of course, the defining example of that.  They’re fully aware of who and what Dolan and Cekada are.  They know what Cekada said about Schiavo; they know what happened at SGG in 2009.  They even had fellow parishioners’ eyewitness accounts of the brutality and immorality that took place (including the undeniable visual evidence of a girl pregnant with the child of one of the SGG school principal’s sons) – yet they did deny it.  They said and did nothing about any of it.  On the contrary, they rallied all the more ’round their cult masters.

Why so?  Are they really that pig-headed -- that stupid?  No, not really.  The problem is simple: pride.  Their pride wouldn’t permit them to admit that they had made a mistake by backing the Devious Duo.  They simply ignored the evidence, took the path of denial, and pretended that all of this never happened.  In time, they even cloaked that denial in an air of contemptuous self-righteousness in order to justify themselves -- and it was an easy step for them to take, because they had Dannie as their model.  After all, if he could dismiss watching porn and animal torture videos on the school computer as “boys will be boys,” why couldn’t they?  And if he could say nothing about one of the principal’s sons impregnating a girl, why couldn’t they?  [In the end, he did say something, but not about the boy: instead, he blamed the girl.]  And if Phony Tony could justify the dehydrating to death* of Terri Schiavo, why couldn’t they?  As long as they get their “show,” that’s all that counts.  It’s easier to pretend that all is well, when one is treated to a good performance every Sunday.

And speaking of “good performance,” it looks like the culties have been tricked into paying for that again; they have been talked into buying a new toy for Tony: a “new old organ,” as Dannie put it -- the cost of which is (of course) to be borne by the culties (Dannie even put out a plea over the internet for donations – and got them: “This time many of you, and our Internet friends contributed to cover the comparatively modest costs”).  Naturally, he put in the words “old” and “modest” to make the purchase look more “justifiable.”  And, as Pistrina duly noted, he tried to make it sound as if there was a need for the replacement organ by defensively adding, “The old organ really is old, and slowly dying.”  Well, as it turns out, that claim is either a pathetically uninformed guess, or it is a bald-faced lie, because it seems that there is plenty of life left in the present organ.**

And, as if getting the culties to fess up for this wasn’t “enough,” Dannie also put in his usual exhortation for weekly contributions: as Pistrina so prophetically predicted, he reminded the culties who had missed church (because of the snowy weather) to “ante up”: “We missed you, but we hope you will not miss your weekly contribution.”  And, as Pistrina also predicted (about SGG’s “high energy bills” that Dannie failed to budget for), His Blatancy then added,  “We will certainly need all of you to make up for any missed envelopes, and even some Lenten sacrifices to make the king’s ransom the Duke [Duke Energy, the local utility] will be sending round to collect.”   So, the culties must pick up the tab for both Tony’s new toy and (once again, as they did the previous winter) for this winter’s “high energy bills.”  But they can take consolation in that fact that Dannie will “be giving a Lenten Retreat.  No charge.”  [Oh, isn’t that “large” of Dannie not to charge them for a retreat – just as he “doesn’t” with his “free” Friday-night Lenten sermons – after which the basket is passed around for “almsgiving.”  We wonder who really gets those “alms.”]

But the culties will be rewarded!  Tony is going to treat them this Easter to music from his new toy!  As Dannie noted, “The difference in tone and sound is remarkable, although the fearsome array of speakers on the back wall is rather intimidating. We’re all looking forward to Easter.”  What that means, culties, is this: Bring your earplugs!  Tony will be cranking up the volume on the new organ until the cult center’s rafters shudder (and your eardrums do the cha cha).  (His next Te Deum will probably register on the Richter scale.)  The culties, of course, will be duly impressed with this pretentious, over-the-top display of ostentation (or, at least Tony will think they will), as he, flushed with his own inflated self-importance (coupled with his utter unconcern for the feelings of others), flails away at the keys, totally oblivious to the wailing of startled babies (and the gushing forth of four-letter epithets from the mouths of their equally flustered mothers).

Well, this bit of ostentation may impress the culties -- and serve to satiate Tony’s over-inflated ego; but for the rest of us, it will be seen for the pretentious flatulence that it is.  (And it just occurs to us, too, that Tony too had better take care, for it may have a counter-productive effect: his seismographic key-boarding may prove “structurally hazardous” to the crumbling cult center -- and produce the same effect on it as Joshua’s trumpets did on the walls of Jericho!)  More seriously, though, Tony should think about the “hazardous effect” it will have on the minds of the culties; for, in time, they will come to recognize it for the unnecessary waste of money that it is.  They’ll come to realize, as Pistrina’s commenter noted, that he “old” organ could have been easily (i.e., cheaply) refurbished, and that the money used for Tony’s new toy (or for Dannie’s boondoggle to Mexico) could have easily covered the old organ’s refurbishing and SGG’s “excessive heating bills.”

But that’s not what happened.  No, that’s not what Dannie and Tony do.  They’d rather put the squeeze on the culties, so that they can indulge their every whim, and get the sheep to pay for it all.  And the sheep will oblige them, because they’ve been slowly “conditioned” to unquestionably accept whatever Dannie and Tony say, and to give in to their every demand.  All Dannie has to do is to “guilt trip” them about “mak[ing] up for any missed envelopes” or making “even some Lenten sacrifices to make the king’s ransom the Duke will be sending round” (as if Duke Energy was “unjustly” charging them) -- and SGG’s Pavlovian culties will respond in kind. 

But how long can Dannie and Tony expect to keep “going to the well” before it dries up?  How long can they expect the culties to keep buying new toys for them (and to accept Dannie’s lame excuses as to why they’re “needed”)?  How long can Dannie expect them to keep funding his mid-winter “apostolates” to warmer climes (and accept his lame excuses as to why they are “needed”)?  How long can Dannie and Tony expect them to do all of this, and still cough up “extra” to pay for SGG’s “excessive utility bills” (as if the culties didn’t have their own to pay)?  How long will the culties keep licking their boots – and “paying for the privilege”?  How long indeed?

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* For more on Schiavo, see the following articles (amongst others): Cekada’s Actual Words About Schiavo – Another Look, and Terri Schiavo Revisited – Again.  (Lay Pulpit has written several articles about Schiavo; these articles are two of the more recent ones.)

** Someone who sent in a comment to a recent Pistrina article (dealing with this same subject) had the following to say: “In viewing the photo of the current organ at SGG, it appears to be an Allen Digital instrument -- a very long-lasting American-made product. The Allen doesn't ‘slowly die’ as all the parts are modular -- take out a PC board (computer) and put in a new one. The Allen in my own church was installed in 1982 and (with as-needed maintenance) still plays perfectly! And the repairs don't cost as much as a new/used Allen. Just a thought.”

Well, it seems as if Dannie’s quip about “slowly dying” is uninformed at best (and at worst, a bald-faced LIE).  Organs don’t just “slowly die”; some last for centuries (and certainly a lot longer than the crumbling cult center).  It seems that Dannie never counted on someone who obviously was informed recognizing the organ as this person did.  Next time, Dannie, you just might want to get your facts straight before trying to “run interference” for Tony.  At any rate, it looks like the Gerties have been “snookered” again (and that Dirtbag Dan has been caught in an embarrassing lie again).  Of course, this isn’t the first time that he (or Tony) has lied – nor will it be the last.