ALL ABOUT THE LAY PULPIT

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Dannie’s Name-Dropping Bird-Droppings


Daniel Dolan’s Bishop’s Corner in last week’s SGG Sunday Bulletin was the usual mix of Dolanesque frippery: his opening “weather report” remarks, of course; the token accolades for the cult-slaves who toil behind the scenes to put on “the show”; his almost weekly plug for the “McFathers” (Lurch and McFaker); and allusions to Caravaggio’s latest round of “critter kill” (this time, though, it wasn’t bunnies, but mourning doves) – all glued together with great gobs of sanctimonious pap.  And – oh yes – he got in his usual digs against Bergoglio (and even the Mormons), to keep his letter-of-the-law culties on the “cult-center straight and narrow”; and he also mentioned the upcoming Christmas Craft sale (Dannie always puts in a fund-raiser “plug” to keep the culties mindful of his insatiable need for income).  And lastly – as he is wont to do now and then – he served up a hefty portion of “name dropping.”

One bit of name-dropping that he did was to mention a mission down in Mexicali, whose mentioning – as it turns out – has a Freudian connection with his opening remarks about the weather: he stated that he was not “trembling in anticipation of the dreaded ‘winter vortex.’”  That stated reason for his non-worry was that he was “anticipating with joy” Saint Gertrude’s Day – but his real reason is that he is “anticipating with joy” once again heading south (to Mexicali) this year to escape the “winter blahs.”  (Isn’t it amazing how he always manages to go to warm, sunny Mexico in the winter, and to Europe in the summer?)  The reason he gave for going to Mexicali was that “they say it is unusually hot there most of the year, so I must come in winter, probably February.”  Well, Dannie, since Lent starts on the 18th of that month, you might want to make it late February so that you can take advantage of Mexico’s relaxed Lenten rules again -- and “legally” have your “copious quantities of beef,” as you did last winter.

Dannie, of course, is aware of the bad publicity he got for last year’s “double-dip” trips to Argentina and Mexico, while the sheep back home were conscripted to pay SGG’s “excessive heating bills.”  So, this year, he figured that he had better not only announce his Mexicali plans beforehand, but justify it in his parishioners' eyes by saying that the trip is in response to an invitation from the priests down there -- so as not to make it appear as the “winter getaway” scheme that it is.  And, proffering that pretext, Dannie probably figures that his brain-dead culties will fall for his “Mexicali Ruse,” no matter how counterfeit it looks to the rest of us.

In another part of his name-dropping marathon, Dannie mentioned the following:  “Meanwhile, the McFathers are loading up the car this week with clergy and vestments for St. Hugh’s first 40 Hours ever in celebration of their 25th anniversary of dedication, which actually took place July 18, 1989. Fr. Berry kindly came in from Denver to make for a Solemn Mass with Fr. Cekada and myself” [our italics].  Now one would gather from this passage that this priest’s coming “in from Denver to make for a Solemn Mass with Fr. Cekada and myself” was happening this week (when “the McFathers are loading up their car”).  NOTHING COULD BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.  The “solemn Mass” to which he was referring happened twenty-five years ago, not “this week.” 

Dannie simply wanted to give the impression that the priest was there with him and Checkie this week.  That priest has, in fact, had no known contact (let alone, collaboration) with them for some number of years. What Dannie ought to have done was to insert a “transitional marker,” such as “back then,” so that the passage would have read, “Back then, Fr. Berry kindly came…” etc. – but he didn’t.  Substandard scholar though he is, even Dannie would know to put in that transitional marker, so as not to give the wrong impression; but, again, he didn’t.  He omitted it deliberately.  He wanted the reader to conclude that what he had implied was true (even though much of traddieland already knows that it’s not true).  Indeed, all of the name-dropping that he did that day was to convey the notion that he’s in communion with and universally liked by almost everybody.

This is the sort of cheap parlor trick that Dannie has always tried to pull through the years.  But, coming right on the heels of his latest Lawrence, Massachusetts subterfuge, this latest deception makes him look all the more despicable – and foolish.  But this weasel will never stop.  He can’t help himself.  He will continue to “practice to deceive” – and, like a boomerang, it will always come back to bite him.  One would think that he’d learn his lesson by now -- but he won’t.  He will continue to find new and imaginative ways of embarrassing (and defeating) himself.  His malevolent nature won’t let him do otherwise; it will always come through, blinding him and obliterating his ability to think rationally – and will continue to get him into trouble.  Will he ever change?  No.  It’s in his DNA.

That being said, we suggest, when Dannie hangs up his stocking on the fireplace mantle this St. Nicholas Day, that Tony put in a different “stocking stuffer” this time -- not his perennial bookshelf dust collector (Work of Human Hands), but something more practical: duct tape.

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