DANIEL DOLAN OUTDOES HIMSELF THIS TIME

Hi, boys and girls! Danny “Dirtbag” Dolan here!  Are you ready to have your brain absolutely insulted?!  Are you ready for something absolutely disgusting?!!  Are you ready to throw up?!!  Well then, run and ask mommy and daddy for a barf-bag – ‘cause you’re gonna need it!  Wait ‘til you read my “Bishop’s Corner” trash in the SGG bulletin for February 27, 2011 – you’ll have a bowel movement!  Because that’s what my column is – a literary bowel movement.

Folks, the February 27, 2011 edition of the SGG bulletin’s Bishop’s Corner has to go down as the vilest pile of puke that Dolan has ever wretched up.  He starts off innocuously enough: he mentions something about the weather (He always says something about the weather; he should’ve been a meteorologist – except that where he’s going, he doesn’t have to complain about the dark and cold – because it’s always hot there!).  But after that, the excrement starts…

First, writing about the recent death of Bernie Brueggeman, he mentions that “we mourn and miss” him.  Yeah, right, Danny!  You “missed” a few other things, too – like going to his visitation; like going to his funeral; like going to mourn him at the grave site.  That really shows what kind of concern you have for the man who single-handedly kept SGG afloat for most of its existence.  Your “gratitude” takes my breath (and pocket-book) away!

Then he mentions that “Bernie died a poor man…”  Of course he did – because you fleeced him out of his last red cent, didn’t you!  You bilked him out of well over a million dollars (not to mention what you pilfered from the rest of the Brueggemanns), then discarded him.  But that’s your trademark modus operandi: use and abuse.  You evil scumbag!  Have you no shame?

But you always were a lying thief.  And, speaking of lies, where in your lower intestinal tract did you come up with “In the last year of his life, Bernie more than once expressed his wish to be buried from St. Gertrude the Great” ??!!  Even one of Bernie’s usually reticent sons sent out an e-mail to refute this, calling you a “bold faced liar.”  Then you added, “He was buried instead from Immaculate Conception, although he once so opposed this group’s scandalous inception in 1989, as to forbid discussion of the very subject in his home” (Yeah, right!  Then tell me, why did Bernie go to Immaculate Conception Church every first Friday for years?).  This same son refuted that as well, calling both statements (and I quote) bullshit.

The arch-hypocrite then goes on to refer to Fr. Jenkins as a “good priest” -- after mentioning “this group’s [Fr. Jenkins and SSPV) scandalous inception”  earlier in his column.  What a shabby, shameless attempt at an overture!  Dan, do you really think that Fr. Jenkins is going to fall for this line of crap??!  And for even more bovine effluent, how about this: “That Our Lord should have decided in His ineffable wisdom, to finish Bernie’s life and crown his works with heavy and almost incomprehensible crosses, detracts nothing from God (for His ways are not man’s ways) nor from this man, his life and legacy.”   Dan, the only “incomprehensible cross” that Bernie had to bear was YOU!  What were you smoking when you came up with such nonsense?  Did John Lotarski accidentally slip you some of his “wacky tobacky”?

After cutting down SSPV, Danny goes on to talk about “other splits…and other schisms [having] arisen” (gee, Danny, I didn’t know that you were the pope!).  Did you excommunicate all these folks, or just put them under a temporary interdict?  What an outrageous charlatan!  Who in the hell does Dolan think he is??!!  I think that he really does believe he is pope!  The arch-hypocrite ends his excremental offering with the following phony, condescending overture: “Perhaps with a positive attitude and much prayer on our part, good priests such as Fr. Jenkins and Fr. Thielen may be encouraged, and these painful divisions may begin to heal.”  Sure, Dan, Fr. Jenkins – and his thriving congregation which makes yours look downright anorexic -- is going to come crawling to you, biretta in hand, “with gushing tears” (as you demanded of Fr. Ramolla).  Don’t hold your breath, Danny boy!

The gargantuan arrogance and hubris of one Daniel Dolan are almost beyond the scope of human imagination; and to use the passing of a decent soul like Bernie Brueggemann, in his Bishop’s Corner column, to further his cheap, illegitimate schemes goes beyond despicable.  Dolan this time has totally detached himself from reality (and decency).  At a time when he should have remained tactfully silent, the fool has opened up his vile mouth and has inserted his penny-loafers in it beyond his tonsils.  That’s his Achilles heel: he doesn’t know when to shut up.  Every time that he opens his mouth, he gives his critics fresh ammunition!

To the SGG parishioners -- those remaining die-hards still hanging in there in the Cultsville fantasyland: Get real, folks.  Not once has your delusionary shepherd ever backed up any of his statements with fact – with proof.  All he has to offer you – all he has ever offered you -- is lies and cheap name-calling: everyone is a “disgruntled this or that” or a "trouble-maker,” or is “mentally ill” – and you have taken it all in.  Isn’t it time that you stop swallowing this swill, and give reality and truth a chance for once?  Isn’t it time that you stopped being mesmerized by this pandering psychopath, and awaken from your stupor?  Let us hope that you do.  And let us also hope that those traditional priests out there – they who know who and what Dolan and Cekada are – will also come out of their stupor, and have the courage and decency to break their shameful silence.

Editor’s note: For an even more insightful (and entertaining) analysis of Daniel Dolan’s shameless Bishop’s Corner pile of slop, check out the latest edition of Viper's Den (And, while you’re at it, check out all the previous editions, which accurately parody Dolan’s earlier Bishop’s Corner regurgitations).